Monday, December 31, 2007

NEW YEAR.. forget the past

We saw each other at the church during the New Year's Eve Mass; not only that, we stood only some feet apart. He was with his family. He was such a big part of my 2007. In fact he tainted almost half of my year. My past love - a regret, a sin. I have forgiven him but I can never forget how he ruined my life, made me believe in his lies, tore my world into pieces, broke my hope of ever finding a "good man" again. I'm glad that with God's grace, I am over him and my hope of experiencing true love with "my dream guy" is back again.
Since 2007 is over, I decided to completely forgive him and try my best to forget about what happened. I don't have feelings for him anymore but every time I see him, the hurt comes back. A teacher of mine once said that when you experience something, you have to FULLY feel it so that after that, you can just let it go and stop dwelling on that feeling. Haven't I fully felt it? It was so much. Every time I see his face, I remember how I cried over how stupid I became after falling to his traps. I have forgiven him, but I think only time can heal the deep wounds he caused.
I wonder what he feels every time he sees me. Did he ever regret what he's done? He never said sorry nor explained to me his side of the story. I guess that's one factor why I still rage in hatred every time I see him.
This year I am going to do my best to forget about that mess. He's just a small part of my past. He can't do anything to ruin my life now and my future unless I let him. I never will. What he's done before is enough. He can't hurt me anymore. He's completely out of my life. He's not going to be part of my life again. The mark he made in the past is enough.
I won't let my past determine my future, especially a stupid part of my past.

4 comments:

  1. Couldn't help...had to quote something I heard a few days back..suits you just fine..forgive I m doing this inspite of being a stranger..

    So what I'm not your average girl
    I don't meet the standards of this world
    Chasing after boys is not my thing
    See I'm waiting for a wedding ring

    No more dating
    I'm just waiting
    Like sleeping beauty
    My prince will come for me
    No more dating
    I'm just waiting
    ‘Cause God is writing my love story

    Boys are bad that's certainly not true
    ‘Cause God's preparing one for you
    If you get tired waiting till he comes
    God's arms are the perfect place to run

    Sleep that's the only thing
    For me cause when I sleep God's
    Preparing one for me

    ReplyDelete
  2. Couldn't help had to quote something i heard a few days back...suits u just fine..Forgive me I am doing this inspite of being a stranger..

    So what I'm not your average girl
    I don't meet the standards of this world
    Chasing after boys is not my thing
    See I'm waiting for a wedding ring

    No more dating
    I'm just waiting
    Like sleeping beauty
    My prince will come for me
    No more dating
    I'm just waiting
    ‘Cause God is writing my love story

    Boys are bad that's certainly not true
    ‘Cause God's preparing one for you
    If you get tired waiting till he comes
    God's arms are the perfect place to run

    Sleep that's the only thing
    For me cause when I sleep God's
    Preparing one for me

    ReplyDelete
  3. what song is that? i like the lyrics.. thanks anyway..

    ReplyDelete