first off, the birth certificate thing is bugging me. what happened to my name? It will be a long process to correct it (and money will be spent for sure). *sigh*
while i was preparing for school i suddenly remembered that today's the UAAP finals. I was really surprised when the MC mentioned Season 71. Darn it. The last time I watched was still Season 69. haha! How fast time flies. I'm not a big fan of basketball but I love to watch UAAP because of those pretty faces of the players. hihi. And I got curious about that DLSU vs. ADMU feud when i entered IDS. haha! i came from a public school 30 mins away from the city you know and people from my school maybe only cared about Pacquiao's boxing fights. Well it all started with that (first year HS days) but I understood basketball more after really watching series of games and I had a number of UAAP idols. Villanueva, Chris Tiu, etc. Ever since i've been an ADMU fan. I was really saddened because this season DLSU andADMU are the ones in the top 2 and I was not able to watch the finals because I have a report in our Psychology class. Anyway, ADMU won. yeah!
My report. It's been postponed two times. Argh. I really prepared for it. I like my topic. I wanted to report today because first, I missed the UAAP finals because of it and.. I don't want to study for it again next week. I will be very busy then. Our next meeting will be on Monday but because it's fiesta, it's a holiday. So my report schedule will be on Thursday.
Let me go to the emotional part.
We were studying at the clinic lobby and my other friends were at the space beside SET's parking lot - just across the clinic lobby. One of the guys I admire passed by and dang. I know you know what happened next. It's really embarrassing. Knowing that he passed by us holding hands with his girlfriend. I have to make it clear. I'm not THAT into him. Just pure admiration of his Hero-look-alike face. (for kpop people, it's not hero jaejoong. kung jaejoong pa ako na jud xa gi-agaw sa iyang gf. hahaha!) And whenever I do not see him, he's not my crush so it's not really a big deal. I just... felt embarrassed. argh.
Another issue. It's been bothering me since this semester started. What's wrong with this : i cannot treat a person in a nice way just as people are expecting me be.? What if this is what I really want? Can't they just respect it and stop bugging me?
This course is killing me. Very stressful and very difficult. I regret that I took up IT. I think this is not for me. I can tolerate Database topics. But Software Engineering and Programming Data Structures are not my type. I understand a bit but I really suck at it. As of now, I want to shift to Political Science or History. haha. but I won't. I need to graduate and finish IT. No matter how hard I need to endure. Someday I can study whatever course I want. After this course. Just after this. You see I have a lot of things in my list and I want to fulfill them all. I will.
I miss mom. I miss being scolded. I miss being overly guided. I miss the cleanliness of our house when she was still here. (haha what a shift!) But really, our house have changed a lot. It's clean of course but you don't know what's "CLEAN" for my mom. Not a trace of dust. haha! For the past 5 years, this house has been so quiet, so lonely, so boring. (Except of course when my father comes home) I miss the food she cooks for us. The variety of viands in the table. Her reminders for us to take the vitamins. Her loud voice. I miss everything about her. I miss my life when she was still here.
lots of rants right? i haven't posted in a while. so busy with school works. not to mention all the pressures and struggles I'm going through. but i'll endure. it's not for me. it's for my inspiration.
bonus:
LYRICS - BROKEN - LIFEHOUSE
The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you
The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
(I'm still holdin on) (I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you
I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
There is healing
In your name (In your name)
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')(I'm holdin' on)(I'm still holdin') (I'm holdin' on) (I'm still holdin')
Barely holding on to you (I'm still holdin on)
Barely holdin on to you
*a very nice Christian song from Lifehouse. Best explains how I feel right now.
**like the Latin line said, "Dura Lex Sed Lex" (The Law is Harsh but it's the Law) ~~ Life is Harsh, but that's Life.. it goes on. :)
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