Tuesday, September 15, 2009

[Life Update] It's Depressing

There's not much going on these days, lots of suspensions of classes, lots of lazy days for me, and lots of food trips. We also have lots of school requirements to pass but I haven't started doing one - lazy days, lazy days.. When will I ever stop cramming? It's already rooted in my system ever since highschool. I can't generate good ideas anymore unless it's the eleventh hour. Just as what my teacher once said, "deadlines make miracles." I know I should change this. I hate being almost-late but I like the rush of beautiful ideas during deadlines. hahaha!

Kpop scene is depressing. Jaebum left for Seattle last last week leaving 2PM without a leader and one member less. That's not 2PM anymore right? Sigh. I'm actually upset with Korean netizens for making such a big issue about those MySpace comments. I mean if I were a Korean, I'd also be mad about that but considering that those comments were written years ago, and after reading Jaebum's explanation, I'd forgive him. I understand what he was going through that time enduring a very stressful training away from home without even an assurance that all his hard work will pay off. Also, even though he's Korean, he was basically new to Korea that time and found it hard to adjust to a culture so different from American culture where he grew up. I just think that Koreans were really really unfair to him. 2PM activities were also postponed and appearances of other members in shows(regular shows and guestings alike) were called off. Well, he voluntarily left the group and abandoned his position so I'll respect that. He needs time to be away and reflect too. On the other hand, the controversy involving TVXQ and SM Entertainment also worries me. I don't want TVXQ to separate. They're the best Korean boyband I know in terms of singing abilities. And after so many years of being together and so many albums they released, it would be really hurtful for fans like me to see them break up. I'm not saying they are on the verge of breaking up but logically, if the two parties cannot have an agreement that will settle the issue about TVXQ's "slave contract" with SM, I don't think it's possible that Changmin and Yunho will stay at SM and Micky, Xiah and Jaejoong will leave SM and they'll still be TVXQ! There are even rumors that their upcoming performance might be their last performance together as TVXQ. Oh no. I pray that it won't happen or they will break millions of hearts of the biggest fan club in the world.

Well, enough of being a fan girl, last week, I said a lot of hurtful things to someone. I hoped he'd understand but I he didn't. I am trying my best not to regret those words even though it's so hard. It's been a long and difficult battle doings things you know you're not happy with and trying to be the best in a field I don't really like just to please people. I messed up a lot of times. I always mess up but I'm so tired of wondering if I'd still mess up this big had I taken the road my heart wants to follow. I know I hurt him but I've been hurting too. I'm just so tired and so fed up with all these frustrations. Now, I am on reflection slash soul-searching mode. hehe. And I hope I'll get through this soon. I know I can. These trials will just pass. I'm thankful I have good friends who never leaves my side and never tires to listen and advice me.

Sigh. Such an emo post I have there. I'm depressed so bear with me. I'll be okay soon.

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