Writing About Writing

The reason why I started blogging was to express my sentimental feelings which I can't directly show to the people subject to my posts. Yep. Before, I was the writing-because-I'm-emo girl. Then it became a habit that whenever I feel so happy, or feel so bad, or feel so bored, I write an entry. I then realized that the posts are getting longer and longer. Thanks to my English subjects in college who always required us to write movie, concert, play, and story reviews and critical essays, I began to love writing (unknowingly that is.. i just wanted to write and write then). Then I realized, I wanted to write more and when I realized my posts aren't so bad (I have a potential! hahaha!). So, when I wrote again, I made blogging as a tool for me to practice writing (and English grammar of course), thus I made this blog(and my wordpress blog).

Sometimes I write a lot of posts in a month, sometimes, I don't because I'm busy at school or I just can't find the words to describe how I feel, or I just don't feel like writing. That I-just-don't-feel-like-writing phase is dangerous because that drift away from expressing your thoughts to words can either make you more creative or eventually make you lose interest in writing again. Yeah. I've been through this phase countless of times, hence, the very long periods of no posts in this blog before, and the several blogs I made that I just deleted because of inactivity (and also because of me being really forgetful of my passwords and usernames). Even though I have been writing more frequently now, I really think that my writing skills have deteriorated a bit. I miss the times when I could write critically about certain subjects. Is it because I have been turning away from writing emo posts? haha. Or did I just became lazy to think more deeply? I don't know.. I just want to write better so I need to practice even more.

I actually want to attend a writing class or a lecture on writing. I know I've been writing in my diary, the pages of my Math notebook, my blogs, for almost 8 or 7 years now (i started blogging 7 years ago in my Friendster account), but my improvement isn't that good and my progress is really slow but I can somehow say that blogging helped me a lot in improving. When I was in elementary, we were never taught how to write a composition with structure and I only knew very basic English. When I reached highschool, I was surprised how my classmates who came from private schools could write really deep compositions. I hate reading novels too and the only English TV shows I watch are MTV shows. I really embarrassed of my writing skills that time and started reading magazines and the broadsheets (I just can't handle thick novels with no pictures. But I love encyclopedias. hehe) so I won't get left behind in case we will recite our compositions in front of the class. I really wanted to write better and the only way for that to happen was to expand my vocabulary so ditching the books, I spend the boring afternoons at school reading fashion and teen magazines and newspapers. Haha! I also started to indulge myself in English movies and shows. Then I(and my papers) saw some improvements over time. Forgive the bragging but I'm really proud of how my highschool really trained me. When I first heard my classmates' compositions, I didn't want to read mine because of embarrassment. I'm not ashamed that I came from a barrio public school but compared to the rest of my classmates, the ones I learned in elementary didn't really make me that competitive. And if I still studied at the barrio highschool, I don't think I can write better than how I can write today. But as I have said, I feel like I'm not pushing to the limits now and just sticking to mediocre and plain posts(so sad..).

So being in a formal writing class is definitely a dream come true for me. I know I might get a bit of a rough start again but I really want to learn. If I could only turn back time, and if I only discovered earlier, I would surely be in the College of Arts and Social Sciences today. hahaha! But practically, being in IT is a great advantage for me to reach those dreams someday. For now I must practice writing more and also study IT as a stepping stone for my dreams.

I actually can't wait for summer to come so I can have more time watch movies and TV shows, listen to music, read magazines and articles and news in the internet, and just gather inspiration to write. But I really hope I won't get too immersed with the wonderful feeling of getting away from school works that I won't have time to write. I hope.. I also want to get away from the Internet, TV, and my usual life here and stay in my dad's province for at least 2 weeks. I just feel like I need to be away for awhile to think, and relax, and reassess my life goals and what I've done this past school year.

Things to focus on for improvement especially for my serious posts? Structure, cohesiveness, and getting deeper ideas about a subject, and also my grammar. haha! I also realized today that I need to bring a notebook and pen with me always. Because I really had a good idea for a post this morning when I was at the bathroom and now I can't remember it. Ideas can swoosh in just split of a second and I don't have a very good brain to remember them all.