Super Junior in My Heart

i watched Super Show again. it's really amazing. super junior is the best. i will never grow tired of following their journey until the the sapphire blue pearl balloons is scattered all over the planet. i can watch their videos the whole day and never say it's too old. i can listen to their songs over and over again and never say that even one song is becoming ordinary because i kept playing it on repeat. yep. maybe that's how i love them.
this is actually my first blog post about super junior. and also my first post in this new blogger blog. :) i promised myself that 2008 would not pass without me posting something about them in this blog.

once upon a time, in my history class, we were teasing our friend because she was becoming crazy over a 13-member Koren boyband who by the way looked gay for me. haha. i loved the melody of the song and the hype of their video Happiness (Haengbok) though. i kept humming the first verse and realized that soon i wanted to download the video from youtube. i never thought that after some time, i will also get addicted.
it started on the summer of this year (2008). the first songs that captured me were Happiness and Miracle. gawsh. the first dance move that i loved was Eeeteuk's in Miracle (second verse). the pretty boy that first caught my eyes was Donghae but my first love was[and still is] Ryeowook. then.. you already know what happened next... it was like i was struck by an incurable disease. and even if there's cure, i don't want to get well. haha.
they debuted in November of 2005. 13 boys who patiently waited for their turn to take the spotlight, persevered, and trained hard in the portals of SM entertainment only had their dreams, determination, and talent as weapons to criticism and fear. as a group of well-rounded entertainers (singers, dancers, actors, models), and as brothers as well, they have gone through a lot in and outside their entertainment lives. and i admire them for their love of what they do and love of their brothers(co-members), family, and fans. three years have passed and i can see they still have that goal to be the best in Korea, Asia and in the whole world.
i may not know them personally, and some might think that i'm too obsessed already, but i have to say that i am so proud for what they have accomplished. this attachment that i have for them, i think, will never break even as i (and Super Junior) grow old. they became part of my life and they are my "uppers" when things go wrong. just as ice cream and dark chocolate as my comfort food.
if i could give them a message, i want to say it personally. haha. someday, i will meet them. i will be one of those fan girls singing Marry U in their Super Show as the 13 of them sit on the stage and listen to us ELFs sing for them. then when i see tears in their eyes because of thankfulness and unbelief of how far they've come, for sure i'll be crying too. just like how i shed tears the first time i saw a clip of that part of Super Show, just like how i cry every time i watch Super Show (in dvd) alone, maybe even more tears will flow when i'm already there in the audience chanting "saranghae" and singing Marry U with the ELFs.
gawsh i hope i can. i'll look forward to that day. if only they could be a band for the rest of their lives. haha. but they will be Super Junior forever. :)

"..until the Sapphire Blue Pearl balloons cover the entire planet.." - Super Junior Leader Eeteuk

hahaha this is the result of Super Show. i'm sorry oppas i couldn't buy the original dvd yet since i don't have enough money. i know it's illegal. sorry. i'm lucky because there are many nice ELFs that uploaded some clips for us to download. someday, when i'll have money of my own i will buy original ones and that's for sure. but i believe that more than the revenues that fans can give, it's their unending moral support that matters most.
to Eeteuk, Ryeowook, Shindong, Sungmin, Heechul, Donghae, Kyuhyun, Kangin, Yesung, Siwon, Hankyung, Kibum and Eunhyuk.. continue to follow your dreams! i will never get tired of being a fan.


wooooot. it's as if they can read this. haha. i wish. i wish... ok enough now. hahaha. i just got carried away(again) with the Marry U and Believe part of Super Show.
Super Junior Hwaiting!
-darksphere

NEW BLOG

I HAVE A NEW BLOG...

I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING TO CLOSE THIS ONE OR CONTINUE WRITING HERE.


FOR THE MEANTIME, YOU CAN READ MORE ABOUT ME HERE.

MY TALENT

The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
Is there healing??
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
(I'm still holdin on) (I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
There is healing
In your name (In your name)
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')(I'm holdin' on)(I'm still holdin') (I'm holdin' on) (I'm still holdin')
Barely holding on to you (I'm still holdin' on)
Barely holdin on to you





there are a lot of things to hold on to. many people depend on me. i should go back to the main reason why i'm doing this. it's for her. for him. for them. i promised her i would do well i'm afraid i can't keep it. i should. i should. i should set the right example. i'm gonna carry on. this is your talent right?? cheering yourself up and tapping your own back and helping yourself rise.. this is my talent. i'm so good at this. i am just tired. sad. tomorrow the sky will turn blue again.the sun will shine again. these tears will dry up. tomorrow.

Now

The tree is tired..
All those times
It chose to bend than resist
The strain was great
The soul, the core became stronger
But the body is tired, the heart exhausted
It was the right move
The big gesture to break the barriers of solitude
But the body is tired, the heart exhausted..
Living for others..
Which will weigh more?
The shelter it gave, or its suffering from strain?

Me - Just a Few Weeks Ago

I hate being sad
I wanted sympathy - long time ago
Wallowing in tears will result to nothing
Nothing but deprivation of pleasure, of smiles
This tree have stood the test
The strong winds came
Bent but never broke
The sun shone again
A new sprout of hope
A new ray of light
A new chance for life
Comforted, encouraged, loved..

BROKEN

this day.. this week.. this course.. this home..

first off, the birth certificate thing is bugging me. what happened to my name? It will be a long process to correct it (and money will be spent for sure). *sigh*

while i was preparing for school i suddenly remembered that today's the UAAP finals. I was really surprised when the MC mentioned Season 71. Darn it. The last time I watched was still Season 69. haha! How fast time flies. I'm not a big fan of basketball but I love to watch UAAP because of those pretty faces of the players. hihi. And I got curious about that DLSU vs. ADMU feud when i entered IDS. haha! i came from a public school 30 mins away from the city you know and people from my school maybe only cared about Pacquiao's boxing fights. Well it all started with that (first year HS days) but I understood basketball more after really watching series of games and I had a number of UAAP idols. Villanueva, Chris Tiu, etc. Ever since i've been an ADMU fan. I was really saddened because this season DLSU andADMU are the ones in the top 2 and I was not able to watch the finals because I have a report in our Psychology class. Anyway, ADMU won. yeah!

My report. It's been postponed two times. Argh. I really prepared for it. I like my topic. I wanted to report today because first, I missed the UAAP finals because of it and.. I don't want to study for it again next week. I will be very busy then. Our next meeting will be on Monday but because it's fiesta, it's a holiday. So my report schedule will be on Thursday.

Let me go to the emotional part.

We were studying at the clinic lobby and my other friends were at the space beside SET's parking lot - just across the clinic lobby. One of the guys I admire passed by and dang. I know you know what happened next. It's really embarrassing. Knowing that he passed by us holding hands with his girlfriend. I have to make it clear. I'm not THAT into him. Just pure admiration of his Hero-look-alike face. (for kpop people, it's not hero jaejoong. kung jaejoong pa ako na jud xa gi-agaw sa iyang gf. hahaha!) And whenever I do not see him, he's not my crush so it's not really a big deal. I just... felt embarrassed. argh.

Another issue. It's been bothering me since this semester started. What's wrong with this : i cannot treat a person in a nice way just as people are expecting me be.? What if this is what I really want? Can't they just respect it and stop bugging me?

This course is killing me. Very stressful and very difficult. I regret that I took up IT. I think this is not for me. I can tolerate Database topics. But Software Engineering and Programming Data Structures are not my type. I understand a bit but I really suck at it. As of now, I want to shift to Political Science or History. haha. but I won't. I need to graduate and finish IT. No matter how hard I need to endure. Someday I can study whatever course I want. After this course. Just after this. You see I have a lot of things in my list and I want to fulfill them all. I will.

I miss mom. I miss being scolded. I miss being overly guided. I miss the cleanliness of our house when she was still here. (haha what a shift!) But really, our house have changed a lot. It's clean of course but you don't know what's "CLEAN" for my mom. Not a trace of dust. haha! For the past 5 years, this house has been so quiet, so lonely, so boring. (Except of course when my father comes home) I miss the food she cooks for us. The variety of viands in the table. Her reminders for us to take the vitamins. Her loud voice. I miss everything about her. I miss my life when she was still here.





lots of rants right? i haven't posted in a while. so busy with school works. not to mention all the pressures and struggles I'm going through. but i'll endure. it's not for me. it's for my inspiration.


bonus:

LYRICS - BROKEN - LIFEHOUSE

The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
(I'm still holdin on) (I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
There is healing
In your name (In your name)
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')(I'm holdin' on)(I'm still holdin') (I'm holdin' on) (I'm still holdin')
Barely holding on to you (I'm still holdin on)
Barely holdin on to you

*a very nice Christian song from Lifehouse. Best explains how I feel right now.
**like the Latin line said, "Dura Lex Sed Lex" (The Law is Harsh but it's the Law) ~~ Life is Harsh, but that's Life.. it goes on. :)

THAT'S IT!

Finally, an apology. After more than a year, I finally got what I wanted. But isn't it a wonder, how hurtful one should go through, and how long one should wait and long for that small word - sorry - and when it's finally uttered, that's it, just like how swiftly wind touches your face..

I have forgiven him a long, long time ago but I thought I needed closure so I waited for him to apologize. Now I know I was wrong, my feelings didn't change after his sorry. I have moved on and got over it ages ago. I wasn't affected anymore. It was a revelation, a change in me that I did not notice. I thank God for that. What happened before doesn't matter to me anymore. Nothing else matters but my faith, myself, and the people who loves me.


and in conclusion, i was right even before. that love was not that extreme to cause me an equally extreme sorrow.

BAD

I'm bad.. I know.. But what can I do? This is what I truly feel. This is who I am. Do I really need to change my feelings toward something just for other people not to get hurt? Don't I have the right to be true to what I really feel? Why would I act/do something that I really don't like to do? Can't they understand? I don't know why people tend to force me to do things that I don't want to. They don't really force me but... They make me feel like I'm the evil one in the story. I hate this.

Why can't they understand??

PROCRASTINATION

i'm supposed to go to the city this morning but i woke up late..

here i am, stuck in front of my laptop again..doing nothing.. stumbleupon is not helping me get rid of this boredom..

no programming assignments this week. yey!
no assignments..!

lots of time for me to accomplish my mission.. but dang! i don't even feel like going out of the house or clean my room.


lazy days...
unsafe city...
bored me...lazy me..


i hope i can find something fun to do today.



*edit*
i replaced the layout.. it looks better for me now. enough of the pink scheme. i've always wanted to make and customize my own blog layout but then i'm so lazy to study css better. i don't like to use layouts made by other people(i've tried using some before) because their names/copyright annoy me. so there, i went back to the defaults of blogger.
*still thinking of ways to get rid of boredom..*

why?

aaaargh.. i am supposed to post another reaction paper we were made to submit about the MILF-GRP memorandum of agreement but for some reason, blogger won't let me.. an error came up.. errr.. i don't know what happened.. maybe because i encoded it in MSWord the copy-pasted it here.. duh.. i don't know. i don't want to type it over again.. no way. i've been wanting to post that one but i just found time tonight because of the problematic situation here in m hometown. and dang! blogger won't let me post it.. even in my multiply account, i can't post it..


anyways.. after 2 days of suspension of classes because of the attack of the rebels in the nearby municipalities and the threats to our city's peace and order, tomorrow, our classes will resume. i'm sure the conflict will be a hot topic in the school tomorrow. i'm excited. i want to hear my professors' comment about it. but my history and political science class will still be on friday so i need to hold my excitement. haaay.. back to school. tomorrow. i hope and pray that the situation will be better tomorrow not just in our city but in the whole Mindanao.. i know peace is possible here. i know..

PASABTA KO!

Last night, I received messages informing Iliganons of the protest against the inclusion of 8 barangays of Iligan to the ARMM in accordance to the MOA between the Gov't of the Republic of the Philippines(GRP) and the Moro Islamic liberation Front(MILF).. I thought it was just some false alarm or some joke but this morning, I got to school late because of the traffic.. Nagrally jud diay.. At first, I thought to myself, "Naa man puy sala ang government sa mga indegenous peoples of MINSUPALA kay according to my readings, wala man lang sila giconsult sa gov't ug gi-apil nalang sila dayon sa Pilipinas.. according to what i've read before, dili jud sila ganahan especially ang mga BANGSAMORO nga tawagon ug Pilipino.. di jud sila ganahan mahimong Pilipino.. " (for further explanation, consult Google hehe) But then, I researched about this MOA and I found out nga luoy kaayo ang Iligan, ang Mindanao ug and Pilipinas kung madayon na..imagine 82% of Iligan will be taken away! and COINCIDENTALLY, ang napili pa jud nila apilon sa ilang ancestral domain chuchu kay katong mga agricultural backbones of Iligan! Iligan pa kaha nang 18%?? I strongly oppose this MOA.. The president will really make a huge mistake if she will give way to these rebels.. I am so scared for Iligan.. and for the Philippines..

the following are links I have read regarding the issue:
link 1
link 2
link 3


i still have many questions about this.. unsa jud ang tumong sa MILF? if ever madayon ni, unsaon na lang ang Iligan? Will this be the start of the rebels' plan of proceeding to a greater cause? - separation and independence of Mindanao? (mao jud na ako gikahadlokan..) Though I like federalism, I just can't imagine what will happen to Mindanao kung sila ang mag-rule..

I know naa pay plebiscite pero duh.. imagina nalang.. gubot na kaayo ang Mindanao ana.. Plus basin i-tamper pa jud ang votes.. duh..

Another issue is that arose is that, this could just be GMA's gimik to amend the constitution and in turn extend her rule..I pray nga dili..

Karon naay temporary restraining issued by the supreme court to temporarily stop the signing of the MOA.. They really need to investigate on this issue! Kailangan nila i-solicit ang opinions sa mga residents ug leaders sa affected areas.

I hope i-discuss ni sa among History 3 ugma oi.. Dapat lang. Kaysa magpadayon sa ka-boring sa reporting! haaaaay.. I am also expecting our PolSci teacher to discuss this matter to us. I really want to know and understand unsa ilang buot ipasabot..

And to the president, please don't disappoint us more. Don't make the Filipinos hate you more.

To the mayor, I admire you. (ingon xa iya i-withdraw iya support kang Arroyo if signan jud ug dayon ang MOA)


Let's pray for our country..

WHAT A DAY! SURPRISE EXAM!

A lot of "firsts" happened to me today..

In the morning we went to the Hall of Justice(Regional Trial Court) for the hearing of my sister's case against the snatcher that attempted(aw gisnatch jud niya maygani nakuha) to snatch her cellphone last March. It was my first time to go to the court. And the feeling was really weird. haha! Nakulbaan kaayo ko. Feeling nako ako ang giinterrogate. haha! Grabeh.

In the afternoon, I had a laboratory class for my CSc 151 Database System (1:30-4:30). Supposed to be, we are to take our prelim exam yesterday but it was postponed because our teacher said that he'll give us time to practice SQL in Oracle. So I was expecting that during our lab, we'll just practice(ingon pud sila, thusday pa daw ang exam!), but to my dismay, the greetings that I got from my classmates were: "Karon na ang prelim! Nagtuon ka?" Errr..I was so shocked ug nagpanic na ko kay nagsuper junior updates marathon biya ko gabii until 1 am ai.. Wa jud ko ga-study. Mura siyag surprise exam!! aha ka ana?? exam? surprise? syeeet. The schedule of our online exam was 3:00 - 4:30 son when 4:30 came, nagchaos na sa lab! haha! Naglibog na ko if mu-take ko or dili kay di jud ko prepared! The time was running, and dugay pud ko nakadecide if mu-take ko. Di bya ko sure if pwede pa mi mu-take ugma because Wednesday is our original lab schedule. So ni-take na lang ko. After pila ka minutes....BANG! gabrownout.! haha! ug sa dihang since it was my first time to take an online exam,wala ko kabalo nga after every page i-save sa diay.. sooooo. nangawala ako mga answer, nagdagan pa jud ang time kay wala biya na-log out. Our teacher ordered as to wait until their meeting is over kay magsabot daw mi. Dugay pa jud kaayo xa nahuman! (ok ra to xa, nakasnack pa pud mi us study) We just took the exam again but 1 hour na lang ang gihatag sa amo. He even sort-of scolded us because according to him it was not his fault that we were'n't able to save our answers. ouch! So went back to the lab to take the exam again. Chanan! Pag-open namo kay mu-take ta mi usab, Chanan! nana mi score! hahaha! bagsak mi tanan! I don't know what happened but the system was able to record our answers and our scores were calculated! chaos na pud! grabe kadaghan ug misfortunes oi! grabe jud! Maygani gi-reset ni sir, so we were able to take the exam again.. but then unfair japon kay one hour na lang! unya gireset biya so balik sa sugod ang pag answers... haaaay.. yes na lang.. at least nahuman.. AAAAAAND......PASAR MI! yey! thank God... He's sooooo good! bahalag gi-unok unok mi sa panahon, gipapasar japon mi niya! thanks pud sa brownout kay kung wa ga-brownout, di mi ka-study....


weeeeee! mao ra to xa.. happy kaayo ko.. bahalag igo-igo ra akong score nakapasar, ok na to oi.. at least 122 na lang ako buhatunon..

hwaiting!!


sa mga wala pa ga-take, HWAITING! JAHRHAEBWA! GODBLESS SA INYO!

HOPELESS OR HOPEFUL?

I feel so lucky and blessed because throughout my college life, all my History(and this semester, Political Science) teachers were just great. They really inspire me. I learned a lot from them. We all have this notion that History and PolSci subjects are boring BUT because of my teachers (yes, I believe that the teacher has the greatest sphere of influence on how not to make the subject boring), I learned to love and am loving History and PolSci subjects. I even think that maybe I should shift to AB History. haha!

Just this afternoon, in our PolSci class our professor was discussing about David Easton's Systems Approach in defining or describing politics. I won't dig into the details of that approach now because the main reason for my blog entry tonight is that I was struck of the question my professor asked us after citing the Rice Crisis or Rice Shortage in the Philippines as an example to explain to us the Systems Approach in defining politics. He asked us if we are still hopeful that the Philippines will be a newly industrialized economy or hopeless. haha! If you ask me, honestly, I am losing hope that this country can progress and be a "Tiger" economy.. I know that's so un-nationalistic of me. But my own experiences, all the news I hear and see on TV and even all the things I see that's happening around me took all my hopes away..(Maybe naa pay gamay.. mga 10%.. huhuhu..) I really felt sad after listening to that discussion. And luckily, my teacher said that we should be hopeful because there are still good mayors and good barangay captains remaining.. but still, GREATLY OUTNUMBERED BY CORRUPT OFFICIALS. duh.. What do we need to turn this situation around..?? Change in mentality? Change in beliefs? Change in ourselves. Sooooo much easier said than done.

How sad.. I really hope I can help the Philippines..Sincerely.. But then society is dictating me to go abroad after I finish my college degree.. If not, I'll die because of hunger. hahayz.. I really wanna help.. I don't know.. I'm still partly hopeful, partly hopeless..



OK, since the videos I want to watch(Butil ng Buhay - I wasn't able to watch in on TV) are still in buffering in Youtube... I felt like writing about the things that are running through my head because of that discussion during our PolSci class this afternoon..

I MISS YOU

==============================

"Bye Bye"

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

[Chorus]

==============================

The lyrics said it all..

I miss her so much. I wish she's here with us, with Tatay.. Argh.. I soooo miss my family..
This is such an emotional post, I know. Just venting it all out. I just miss her so much.

WHATEVER

Here's a new video of Jason Mraz. I love this man. I adore him since high school. Just hearing his voice, it soothes me and reminds me of my bestfriend Nicole. We both love Jason Mraz.
This song was released I think 2 years ago (I'm not sure. basta karaan na na xa) but he featured it in his 2008 album "We sing, We Dance, We Steal Things." Some parts of the lyrics were changed/though.. But I love the video. I liked this song so much but I erased it from my pc because of some bad memories I have with this song. Aw! But since he altered some parts of the lyrucs, and released it again, and the video is nice, I'm loving it again.. ehehehe!

here's the vid! Enjoy!
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

MY FRIENDS

I'm never the friendly type, not even approachable. I had attitude problems, and I sometimes couldn't understand myself. That's why I will never be surprised if I find out that 90 percent of the people who knows me don't really have a grip of what I really am. But I'm so blessed to have people who stand by me even in the most silent times of my life and sees me through even when my wild side is all that surfaces. I don't have many friends. I know a lot of people(even though many of them don't know me) and I have a lot of acquaintances but I don't have many friends. In this very mean world, and for a meanie like me, I consider myself really blessed and I'm very thankful for these persons - my friends. In my 18 years of existence, I met a lot of "friends" but not all of them were true. Many stabbed me in the back, and some just left me hanging. Hence the maybe-less-than-20 number of persons I consider friends. Some of them were even my enemies before and some were close to me like my sisters. I guess that's just the magic of friendship. There are people who are already part of the life God designed for you. It's like they were destined to be your neighbor, your accomplice and partner in crime, to be the daughters of your parents' friends, to be your competitor from your gradeschool medals, to talk to you during your highschool enrolment, to act weird so you can backbite them during your dramatic highschool days, to be so talkative and sometimes tactless so that you would quarrel almost everyday, and to save you from boredom in college(and not to mention help you rebuild yourself and your faith) - like fate assigned them to meet you at a certain part of your life and made you who you are today. I don't have lots of friends; they may not be with me all the time, but I feel so blessed to have them. They are my precious treasures. I may not be a perfect friend, I may even be a bad influence sometimes but I know they will not desert me, they will take me for who I am, for who I'm not and will never be.

A TREE IN HEAVEN

Thanks to the 2-day transport strike we will not have classes tomorrow until Tuesday. (It's not actually a good thing because it's a sign that jeepney fare is going to increase due to the continuous increase in gasoline in the world market. Enough about that.) Because of the "long weekend," we decided to have DVD marathons! And first in line is a Korean drama series entitled "A Tree in Heaven/Heaven's Tree/Tree of Heaven" starring Lee Wan(Kim Tae Hee's brother[the girl from Love Stroy in Harvard], he's a very good actor and also handsome ^^,) and Park Shin Hye(sigeg hilak! :P). I've never cried this much since Love Story in Harvard and Princess Hours. It's the most heartbreaking story I've ever watched. I think almost 90% of their life(in the series) was made up of miserable experiences. They were always crying and heartbroken. It was such a sad story. Even the ending was not what I expected(they did not have a happy ending..*spoiler!*). Shocks! It was the saddest Koreanovela I've ever watched! Despite everything that hindered their relationship, they proved that what they have and feel for each other was unconditional.



*Grrrrr.. Namatay lang si Lee Wan! huhu..

MY ROMEO

I believe in destiny. Somewhere, someday, somebody is meant for someone. This topic has been and I think will always be controversial. Destiny, soul mates - some believe it, some don't, depending on their spiritual affiliation or personal experiences. But of course every girl dreams of someone who'll sweep her off her feet and make her hypothalamus release those feel-good endorphines. Every girl has her dream guy or ideal man. It could be their long-time crush, their guy best friend, their current boyfriend, or some adorable faces they see and idolize on TV. Sometimes they live happily ever after; sometimes, they end up with someone exactly the opposite of what they were initially looking for.

I had my own share of experiences about this lovely-but-sometimes-sad topic. Teenage love, puppy love, first love, whatever you want to call it, I had one – my first love – my “Romeo.” As young as we were, sometimes I call it immature love, or maybe it was not love at all. All I know is that at that time, I was happy. But because we were still immature then, it didn’t work out. And it turned out he wasn’t as ideal as I thought. It was my first heartbreak so just imagine how I acted – like a little girl who lost her Barbie doll. Today when I remember those times I just burst out into laughter because of how immature I was. But I believe that every time one stumbles down and makes a mistake, the wisest thing to do is not just stand up and go on with his/her life but to find out what that situation is trying to tell him/her or what God wants him/her to learn through that circumstance. Mistakes and downfalls that recur are signs of lessons refused to be learned. I’ve been in love and in the process, got hurt. But despite getting broken-hearted, the dream of meeting “the one” lives on.

I’m not dreaming of someone with a knight-in-shining-armor personality, or someone who’s filthy rich to give me my dream of traveling the world, or someone who’s super handsome like those guys we see on TV. Although I get allured with their temporary and sometimes artificial beauty and good stuff they can offer, but, it may be a cliché, it’s really true that what’s inside is important and of course the fact that you make each other happy. And just like Shakespeare said in his sonnet, love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks, within his bending sickle compass come, love that lasts despite the challenges of time is true love. I believe that God has prepared someone for me. Maybe I’ve already met him, maybe not yet. But what I’m certain is that now is not yet the time. Singleness is a gift and it is also the time when one should serve God with undivided attention. It is also a time for preparation for the future and a time set for us to be at peace and united with our family before we go and build our own family in the future.

All girls have their own Romeos just as each of us has our own destinies. But we are given free will and it’s our choices that make our destiny, our future. When you believe you have found the right one, they say don’t let him go. But I say that we should be wise enough to know and decide if he’s really the one and not depend on our emotions solely. “Happily-ever-afters” only happen in fairy tales and our lives are not fairy tales. Finding and maintaining a relationship requires so much more than fairy grandmothers and magic dusts.

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This blog-entry-like essay was a requirement for our English 4(Literature) class.. It took me weeks to start writing this essay because I didn't have any idea of what to write at first. But i have this weird attitude - when i am pressured because of a deadline, ideas suddenly rush in through my head and voila! - my essay! hahaha!

BATTLE

These past days, I am going though a spiritual battle and I know I am having trouble accepting and admitting it. The hardest part of being a Christian is maintaining and fueling your fire for God. It's true. Some days will come when even though you are not facing big waves and storms, you just seem to be so weak and so afraid to face the world because you feel like you are starting to drift away from Him. Maybe it's caused by our own faults, you know, not attending church, failing to dwell in His word, or maybe just merely not paying attention to Him or listening to Him. It's so hard. I actually wanted to attend a bible study today but to my disappointment, it was canceled. I needed it especially that I don't have a bible here with me now because someone borrowed it. Prayer is my only shield at the moment. I know and I have faith that I'm going to get over this. I believe that I am going through this situation because He wants to show something to me. Everything happens for a reason.

OUCH!!

That hurts.. What is really more important to me? What are my priorities? Been really busy with my studies these days/weeks.. Then an unexpected problem came up. I felt weak. I prayed. I know I was also the one who caused it. I keep on disappointing them. I'm sorry for that, really. Again, He saved me. He helped me again. Just as the song goes, "how many times have I broken Your heart? but still You forgive, if only I ask.." Ouch! I've been here many times. Always taking my time doing my own thing then when something "bad" comes up, I get weak. I nearly dropped off. Then He saves me. As if He's calling me to come back to Him. I always fail to realize and keep in mind how lucky I am to have Him. And I even ignore Him sometimes. Sorry God...

OUCH! I was supposed to got to sleep now but a statement from a new-found friend really bothered me.."What's more important to you?"

BLOG BREAK

ok, it's been a month since my last blog post. I've been really busy with my studies. Aside from that I am going through some tough times in my life right now because of some family problems. And I'm still fixing things.
Anyway, we had a fieldtrip last month(Jan.18-19) for our Biology class. We went to Duka Bay in Medina, Misamis Oriental, a park in Initao, Misamis Oriental before finally going to Cagayan de Oro to experience Whitewater Rafting. That was really a blast! I wasn't supposed to go with them because my father didn't permit me because of the weather. But when we got there, it wasn't raining anymore so I decided to go. Hehe! And I really made a good decision because I really had fun. I posted some of my travel pics in my Friendster profile but when I have time I'm going to post some here too.
February 6 was my birthday.. It was not that special since I didn't have a party and we also had a very hard exam..*nosebleed!* BUT, my father told me that my gift is an Acer laptop. Not a brand new though but I like the specs and the RAM was ok. Also, it has always been my wish to have a laptop so I was really, extremely, happy.. I'm going to get it when he arrives home this third week of March..I'm so excited not only for the laptop but also because he's coming home.
I'll try to post at least once a week if I'm not very busy.. For now, I need to go because I still have a program to make. Aaaargh.. This topological Sorting is driving me crazy. I've been researching for a week now and I still have no code. haha! I think I am really a bad budding programmer.

A VERY TIRING WEEK

Quizzes, exams, assignments... errr.. student life.. This week is my first stressful week of the year and I know it's just the start. At least my Data Structures and History prelim exams are over. But despite all the pressure in my studies I still managed to get my hair cut last wednesday and I really felt good after. I promised myself a new haircut before school starts in 2008 but I only found time to do it this week. Thanks for the holiday.. My exam results in some of my subjects were also released this week.. Thank God I passed though I didn't achieve very high scores, passing is enough.. But of course getting a score a bit higher that the passing score is more fulfilling. I know I don't deserve them though because I didn't study seriously. That's my after-break-laziness syndrome. After the Christmas Break my study habits changed or should I say, "Do I still have study habits??" haha! I really need to improve in my studies... Especially that my subjects are getting more and more difficult. I need to brace myself for more next semester. Argh... I though IT is an easy course... Much as I want to back off and shift to another course, I can't and I won't. I don't have any idea what course I'm going to shift to. I'm going to make it to IT. I'm going to graduate... haha! just cheering myself up...
I wasn't able to attend our Bible Study today because I overslept. Actually I didn't want to go because of my English assignment so before I slept I told myself that if I wake up in time, I'm going. But unfortunately, I wasn't able to wake up before 1. Then my friend called, nobody showed up in our Bible Study but her. I hope she's not mad at me for not telling her that I couldn't come.


It's already late... I need to sleep.. I forgot to mention that I only had at most 5 hours of sleep everyday this week.. I usually need 10 hours to function normally(lol) so I think I really need to make up for the sleep deprivation I had this week.. That's why I finished my English Homework today so that I can rest tomorrow and not wake up early.. Gotta got to sleep folks! God bless!

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS??

Last year, I had a long list of things I should resolve for 2007 but I think I only succeeded in one or two of them.. Stop cursing is one (thank God).. I guess having attended a bible study helped me a lot in reconstructing myself last year. I am happy that I have changed some of my negative attitudes and insights about life. And this year, I want to be a better Christian.
I don't really have a definite list for my 2008 New Year's Resolution because I decided not to list a lot so that I won't get disappointed if in the end of the year, I find out that I wasn't able to resolve the things I listed. But on the other hand, I think I should have New Year's Resolution for me to assess myself at the end of the year. So I'm going to try to list my New Year's Resolution here today..

1) Go on a diet/Lose weight/Stay Healthy - how many years have I been wanting to achieve that body I've always longed for? haha! but I think I am improving.. it's really hard for a person with ulcer to go on a diet you know..Tip:(i read this from Cosmo mag) just EAT RIGHT.. and with that I mean to give your body the proper amount of nutrients, carbs, fats(good calories) that it needs so that you won't go on munching on burger or cookies for snacks..
2) Save Money - since I am on my 2nd year on college now, I need to start saving for my future.. and stop spending my money on useless things(like food.. err i just love to eat!)..I think me and my barkada need to minimize having a FEELING-RICH-DAY..all the impulse shopping and eating a lot out..
3) Go on adventures - i really need this.. i need to explore the world now.. because i know that when i graduate and have a job, i can't do it as often anymore..
4) Have more time for my family - do i need to say more? i just love laughing my heart out with them and strolling in the city walks with my sisters..
5) Control my Mood Swings and Temper - oh my.. i'm such a moody person.. really.. even small things affect my mood and so the rest of my day.. :(
6) Live a Stress Free Life (at least try to :P) - oh i know it's going to be hard... especially with my CSs121 subject.. grabeh maka-stress jud kaayo.. just thinking about it.. err.. but I know I can do it.. I need to..
Secrets to Stress-Free Life:
- pray
- talk - tell your best friends how you feel - they will listen.. and they don't have to say anything, their presence(especially a hug) is more than enough to cheer you up and tell you everything's gonna be alright
- write a journal or a blog - writing your thoughts is a healthy way of letting your emotions out.. it's proven and tested friends..
- pamper yourself - go out with your friends - have a FEELING-RICH DAY once in a while..lol..
- sleep right, eat right - this is really helpful.. promise!
- eat your "pamper-food" - just invented a new term! lol - in my case my "pamper food" is ice cream, it really makes me feel good especially on a BIG, STRESSFUL day..
- pray, pray, pray - no one can ever be of greater help than our Bestfriend..

**from some magazines, friends' advices, personal experiences, and some self-help books..
I hope it helped.. because it really works for me..

so, that's it for today.. i just enumerated my New Year's Resolution.. plus some bonus tips.. hehe! I hope I will be successful in working to resolve the things I listed. I hope..

I'M GONNA RISE

I can't sleep so even if I don't have any idea what to post today, I guess I'll just write what happened today..

-i was supposed to go with my friends in highschool on our scheduled get-together but the weather wasn't so good for a nature trip (Tinago Falls) so the changed the venue to Timoga Spring Pools.. I decided not to go because it was raining and i didn't want to swim in ice-cold pool waters on a rainy day..
-after cleaning the house, I slept, ate, watched tv, took a bath, and slept again..what a boring day..
- my father called.. i miss him so much and we're very excited because finally, 2 more months and he'll be here.. i can't wait.
- my stepmom also went home this morning

here's the lyrics of "rise" by gabrielle.. i love this song.. i can relate to it.. it really fits my outlook for the new year... I've been through a lot of tough times last year.. but I'm still standing strong today because of God's grace.. I'm so thankful for everything that happened.. even though facing all the trials was difficult, Her never left me and my family, and I came out of it stronger..I'm looking forward to a better year for me and my family.. and for all of us..

RISE
I know that it’s over
But I can’t believe we’re through
They said that time’s a healer
And I’m better without you
It’s gonna take time I know
But I’ll get over you

Chorus:
Look at my life
Look at my heart
I have seen them fall apart
Now I’m ready to rise again
Look at my hopes
Look at my dreams
I’m building bridges from these scenes
Now I’m ready to rise again

Caught up in my thinking, yeah
Like a prisoner in my mind
You pose so many questions
But the truth was hard to find
I better think twice I know
That I’ll get over you

(Chorus)

Much time has passed between us
Do you still think of me at all?
My world of broken promises
Now you won’t catch me when I fall

(Chorus)